Friday, July 31, 2009
You've probably seen this. Over 13 million views on You Tube. I actually cried a little at work when I watched it. Weddings also make me cry (I'm such a pussy.) I don't even like Wedding Church Ceremonies. I think they are so strange. I am just having dinner, drinks and dancing. No ceremony.
Anyhow, this is fun. I have a few questions.
1) Why sunglasses inside? Only 2 kinds of people wear sunglasses inside, Blind people and jack asses. (Thanks to my brother Dave's friend who is also named Dave for that.)
2) Why are the bridemaids wearing pink and blue dresses. That shit should match?
3) Why is the bride a bad dancer? (Bitch should've practiced it's her wedding night.)
I didn't forget to wish my favourite non-blood relative a Happy Birthday yesterday. I just couldn't get the bday tribute up because I was super hammered at the Switch show (why were you not there?)
So here is why I love her.
1) She pays for everything. She is my sugar sister-in-law.
2) She's given me 2 amazing, smart and in no way annoying (I hate kids) nephews
3) She makes one of my big brother's very happy
4) She has a fun family...
5) She is the often the first person I go to when I have news to tell the family (this happens often.)
6) We go on an Oscar movie marathon yearly in February.
7) She swears like a sailor. (Fucking Rad!)
8) She takes me her cottage yearly (Let's plan this summer already!)
9) She loves the arts (I love the arts)
10) She is my dance partner at family weddings
Happy Belated Birthday Marcia! I hope it was great because you deserve it!
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Saturday, July 25, 2009
I suggested Little Boots' Remedy. If someone was to break up with me I think I would turn to dancing much like the big British sensation's new single.
Friends told me it was to upbeat for a break up. They suggested the more angry Martha Wainwright's Bloody Mother F*cking Asshole.
It works too. Use the comment option to send in your songs for best break up song. I will post all of them.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
This change is going to be a good one.
Here is a side view.
Amd here are my prescription DKNY sunglasses.
Here is my nephew Ian preparing for his ring bearer duties before the wedding. Ben, my other nephew was asleep in the car at this point. The Offiiciant double booked himself so he demanded Ian walk down by himself. Not cool. I gave him dirty looks.
We stalled the jerk off officiant long enough for Ben to wake up and he preformed gloriously. They did a great job considering the jerk off.
Happy Grandparents watched them on. What a sexy bunch of 60 year olds.
Ben winded down from the ring bearer duties/ just woke up duties by getting stuck in his chair. Very Craig-like.
Also very Craig-like, Grandpa (my dad) cheersing minors.
Here is me with my 2 younger sister, Katie and Laura in between pictures. Us, Craigs clean up nice.
Here is Marcia, my sister in law and me. Although Marica is my sister in law. She is like the family member I never made. She likes arts and entertainment. So nice to finally have someone who knows what I am talking about in the family (direct quote from my wedding speach about 8 years ago.) I'm very happy to have her.
Here is a nice one of me and 3 of my favourite men. Ian and Ben as you know and my dad. My dad is great, He puts up with my shit.
Ben wanted him to show him the fountain. He also wanted me to wet his hair. Sorry, Optimus Prime, mommy won't like that.
Okay, I guess I shold include the bride and groom, here they are kissing.
Monday, July 20, 2009
Well, not anymore. Look what shot out of my nose as I squeezed it and splattered all over the bathroom mirror. As JT says "I'm bringing sexy back."That is some major pussage.
So this is presently what my kitchen looks like do to the garbage strike in Toronto. It's disgusting. In the black bags is up to 2 week old cat shit. This is not something that does not please me. It's tripled bagged but who knows what type of grossness is going in there. It doesn't smell.
I would really like for the strike to be over.
(Editors Note: I blurred out my address on blue box. So that you can't locate me and kill me.)
Sunday, July 19, 2009
was a hit. Here it is .
I’m Dave’s taller, funnier, more attractive, more fall-ically (foilicaly) blessed younger brother, Mark. I will make this short and sweet so that I personally can start dancing and drinking sooner.
Dave has always been the sporty and athletic child in the Craig household. When I was younger I tried to be sporty like Dave, as most younger brothers look up to their siblings but he always made me the bat boy when his friend’s would play baseball, so I am now 28 years old and still throw like a girl and have Dave to thank for that.Dave also made things easier for me growing up in the Craig house hold when he and fellow groomsman Tim were caught by the cops knocking lights off a chip wagon. Dave was brought home in a cop car and had to wake my mom up so the cops could inform her of what they did. This made me look like an angel at that time. Thanks guys.
When Dave was younger he also was a germaphobe much like me. My mom dropped him off at school, he was in kindergarten. Dave found out his friend Jon got sick from the teacher and the next thing you know, Dave is running down the street as my mom drove away from the school. He has since grown out of the germophobe state. I have not.
Dave has done pretty well for himself in his short lifetime. He owns a car, a house, has a teaching career and now a beautiful bride.
Ainsley, is now a part of our large family. Well after the immediate family hit 12 people our criteria for family acceptance got more lenient. It seems we let anyone in now. I’m just kidding. Ainsley is a welcome addition and fits in amazingly with the family. Anyone who can handle my drunken holiday dinner rants and doesn’t run screaming away is A-Okay by me. So Ainsley I welcome you to the family and I am happy to now call you my sister, I wear medium sweaters, preferably striped and my waist size is 34, please keep that in mind.
It’s also been nice getting to know my fellow groomsmen. In high school Dave’s friend’s kind of scared me from stories of debauchery I’ve heard but after the last few months of wedding activities they’re actually not that bad. I expected someone was going to be taken away to the hospital at the bachelor party or there would atleast be major property damage. But I was back at Dave’s by quarter to one. Even, my brother Tim’s bachelor party with his lame PHD friends was more wild than that. And Dave’s friend’s are actually not that scary. So if you are scared like I once was once, I have been to the other side people, I can tell you they don’t bite. They’re actually really nice. Introduce yourselves later if you haven’t already.
Okay, I’m starting to think of dancing again. Wrap it up. Wrap it Up.
So, Dave, thank you for asking me to be one of your groomsmen tonight and although, when you first asked me I joking said “I would prefer not too.” It’s been a great experience and so nice to be in the wedding party, especially with Tim, my cuter than cute nephews Ian and Ben and my beautiful sisters. Dave, you deserve all the happiness and joy you have before you and I look forward to watching It all unfold. So if everyone could please raise their glasses to happy couple. Cheers. Congratulations and All the best Dave and Ainsley.Thanks all,
Here is me walking some hot bitch down the aisle. Love you Mom!
I thought this task would make me cry as I am a crier but it didn't as the officiant yelled at me moments earlier for not walking her down until the one of my nephew ring bearers woke up. So instead I was plotting his demise with a smile on my face.
Now here are the apples of my eye, my ring bearer, newphews Ian and Ben.
Her is the beautiful bridal party beginning with my hot sisters, Carolyn, Katie and Laura. Carolyn came from B.C. and Katie from Australia. I won't see her for a year again. That's sad.
and now the happy couple. More pics when people post them.
The DJ also called me and cleared the dance floor so I could do my famous Paper Planes dance. It went over quite well. Video and pics of that to come.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
So tonight's was my brother's rehearsal dinner at the beautiful restaurant, The Pines in Cambridge. It was really nice. The Caesar salad was delicious. My brother and his soon to be wife Ainsley handed out gifts delivered by my nephew Ian. I got this amazing personalized plaque my brother ordered online. It's amazing because I love throwing martini parties and have a martini bar set up in my house. Cool, huh?
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
My mother, sister Laura, sister-in-law's Marcia and Ainsley and my co-worker Monica will be so happy. My hair tail is gone for now. It was cut off tonight to appease the masses for my brother's wedding this Saturday.
I have shaved the beard that I was rocking and got atleast 12 compliments on. Plus, I had unwanted body hair removed including eye brow threading. I think I am ready for this wedding on Saturday. I will shave again Saturday am for true baby's bottom smoothness.
Tomorrow I get fitted for my tuxedo, very excited. I love dress clothes.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
2 for $28. You can save up to $12 on these bitches.
Here is what I got:
And this mustard Deep V.
Fun, huh? They have the same deal for crew necks but when you are blessed with your mother's collar bones you need to let them roam around naked.
Monday, July 13, 2009
When I stop and start marching that represents walking down the sidewalk. If you haven't noticed my now. There are a lot of balloons on my ceiling I had a party over 2 weeks ago and decorated. My interior decorating father would be so proud. Since my kitchen is full of recycling and garbage bags the balloons will stay up until after the strike since garbage is at a preminum.
1) If you are going to dance in your apartment turn off or turn the TV (amateur!)
2) Do the personal arm space swing prior to activities you had to do in grade school.
3) Don't wear a mask and if you do work it better than this lady.
Friday Falls are hard to find. I've said this before. I may have exhausted the sources so when I see something or someone sends me something (Thanks Jones!) I will post regardless of day.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
A) To my many lady friends in the hood, please do not leave your windows open at night and make sure your locked your doors. Also you know I am always willing to meet up and walk with you.
B) His description: Tall and well clad. Oh brother. For the record, I have atleast 9 witnesses to say that I was in Ottawa all weekend. And I really don't have the interest and desire to peep at people. I really do find 99% of people somewhat vomitable.
I hope they catch the perv soon and that my tallness and well cladness doesn't work against me.
If you see anything strange call 14 Division. 416-808-1400 .
As is the case with most vacations, I got injured. This time sliding down a pool slide that was not properly moistened. Thus, resulting in the slide burn seen above, with the underwear and seat belt rubbing it for all of a 4 and half hour car ride it is pretty sore right now. I think I will pull through though.
I would also like to apologize to my roommates for my snoring. I forgot my sexy nasal strips and to Belle and Mel for not giving proper window warning before farting in the car. I couldn't help it though. It just kept coming out, I'm a gassy guy after a weekend of beer.
Although girlie, these naked grape wine spritzers are pretty good if you are looking for an alternative to an afternoon beer on a hot summer's day. You can buy this shit at the LCBO or Wine Rack. Also available in White Zinfandel aka the wine that 16 year old girls drink at parties.
Tip: The Wine Rack is open til 11pm Monday - Saturday for your late night alcoholic needs.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
that my undies have been backwards all night. Not fun! I wondered while out tonight why it felt like I had less room in the front and no room in the back. I do like to sleep in undies and bed time is calling. More importantly than the glasses question do I:
a) reverse the panties (I don't really call them that but love the word panties.
b) keep as is for bedtime (I've been in them for the last 8 hours.)
c) switch to a fresh pair.
Leaning towards c.
The garbage strike got me thinking. My MJ tribute should be ready in a few weeks like I said before it needs to be fit for a king and I have a busy 10 days ahead of me.
The band played in the same studio, my best friends and favourite band, The Switch recorded their demo. I networked with the band rep and got an amazing free CD.
Here is Winter Gloves video for Let me drive. The debut CD is on iTunes.
Here is pair one. Black plastic frames, I don't remember who makes them but they are designer.
and here is pair number 2, Hugo Boss.
So stressful, let me know your thoughts please. Use the comment option.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
I've been doing a new highly intensive ab work out at the 3 nights a weeks. I starting to get the killer six pact I have always wanted.
I think the rest of this 6 pack will be popping soon.
So excited. Looking forward to being in a bathing suit from 6pm Friday to Sunday in Ottawa.
Check out that hot farmer's tan on the arms as well. Also notice my nipples much like my eyes are not straight. So embarrassing.
Then I went to Starbucks as I always do for Tea at 3 (I like 3pm because 3 rhymes with tea.) Since I had no protein at lunch (aka Chicken) I was hungry and order my favourite Banana Chocolate Coffee Cake. They forgot to give it to me so they gave me 2. I gave the other to my co-worker, Smurray, who is pregnant. She liked it. I think no one has given her coffee cake before, she was so thankful. I am going to being her more coffee cake.
Sharing is Caring
ant that is friends.
Most people know that I schedule lots of things in life, including washroom breaks. I also schedule my weekly menu and wardrobe for the week ahead.
I am happy after that President's Choice is back with a new Memories of Mexico cooking sauce for fajitas. I schedule Fajitas ever 2 weeks. Although this was not a Fajita week I cooked chicken breast in the sauce I just brought home because I was too excited and it's good and pretty similar to the last one.
Yummy, yummy, yummy!
See pic above, Price is Right, here I come bitches. Look at that hand placement!
I had tears thrice which is not hard for me. When the daughter with cancer came down the stairs to meet her also cancer affected boyfriend for the hospital prom. She looked incredible. Then on her death bed when the cancer daughter wanted to go to the beach and then family went to the beach and had an amazing time. Thirdly, I told you SPOILER ALERT!!!!!!!!!!! When the spare parts daughter in court broke down and said that her sister wanted to die and didn't want anymore surgeries. BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!
Then today at the gym I am suprised I didn't get punched in the face, while on the elipitcal for 45 minutes I re-watched the Michael Jackson Memorial. I saw parts at work today but was too busy to pay attention.
J-Hud singing Will You be there (one of my favourite Jacko songs, I have 0ver 74 in my iTunes.)
And then when Paris Jackson spoke:
Then Al Sharpton
The strange remark. WHHHHHAAAAAAAAAA again. Thank Goodness their was also sweat dripping from my face
Thanks for the music MJ. I'm working on a dance move of the week but it has to be fit for a King. Not quite ready.
I found out from my sister today that my brother Dave, said I was a huge hit as his party. I got hammered which is not out of the ordinary. Then I got fun. There was some dude there that every one called "B-Man" I love giving nicknames and already had nick named the new girl Barb at work B-Unit, like the rap group, G-Unit. So I switched his nick name also to be B-Unit.
It's fun to say B-Unit see video above.
I also was quite good at schooling the jocks at beach volley ball. So good, that I even joined the work beach volley ball team. I need no reason to be semi naked, Although, not at the office. Today I was wearing a scoop neck T-shirt and when my shirt got stuck in my chair and almost made my nipples visible I felt a little dirty.
After the party I had lunch the next day with my brother Tim, his wife, Marcia and my nephews, Ian, 4 and Optimus Prime which he would now like to be called, 2.
Good times and now that sisters and nephew, Aven are in town from Australia and B.C. can't wait for the wedding next weekend. Fun!
Friday, July 3, 2009
What I am not looking forward to is going to Kitchener on the Grey Hound tomorrow. I will be bringing purell, lysol wipes and charmin (God, forbid, but just in case.)
Also exciting is that my baby sister Katie came home from Australia yesterday. I look forward to seeing her, loving her momentarily and then fighting with her as usual. You are going down, Kido!
I will try to be good though.
Sorry I haven't posted lately. I'm been catching up with old friends. Here I am!
So today sadly I had to bring 2 bags of garbage to a local park which has c0nverted the outdoor ice rink into a temporary dump. I felt bad for having to do but my low rise does not offer green space for outdoor keeping nor does my stretch of Bloor have green bin composting. The neighbours of the park have been protesting. I totally understand their feelings but atleast they can go into their $750,000 homes and turn on the A/C.
I couldn't drop it on the sidewalk because that is illegal and the Neighbourhood Association is heavily patrolling the hood to report illegal dumping. Thats a $380 fine, yo.
I've been watching on the news protesters trying to stop people from bringing their garbage. I was prepared to start swinging bags of 2 week old cat shit but it didn't come to that. Their was just one guy who looked like he would be my sister, Carolyn's friend. Karma got me though as the 8 block walk with 2 bags, mostly of cat litter was too much for one of my double bags of trash and I started to get cat litter sprinkled on me. It even went into my jeans pockets. That really sucked. I wanted to wear them tonight.
The public garbages which were covered are starting to stink as well. There is one in front of the Second Cup at Queen and John that almost made me barf twice today. Also the one at Dundas and Kensington Market is gross I had to hold my breath but an old couple walking slowly in front of me made me sacrifrice a breath and therefore a gag.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
I'm really good at kite flying. I wowed the masses of Trinity Bellwoods in Toronto as I flew kites from dollarrama for hours. It was sad when I accidentally let go of the kite string and it flew off into the distance but I was happy to entertain the area north of the tennis courts for the afternoon.
Happy Canada Day!