Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Today is one of my favourite lady's B-days! Happy Birthday Isobelle!
Here are just a few of the reasons Belle is so fab.
1) She has been a great friend for over 9 years.
2) She's a firecracker, Pow!
3) She tells amazing stories.
4) She's a great drinking buddy.
5) She gives me good fashion advice.
6) She's my sidekick.
7) She can laugh with me for hours.
8) She's a good pussy watcher.
9) She's pretty freaking cute.
10) She is real good company.
There is not enough time or numbers to continue this. She's pretty rad.
Happy Birthday Belle!
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Well, this dude squeezed the water bottle and water splashed into my eye. I was not impressed. Someone probably drank from that bottle. What lovely infection will I get in time for Cuba now. Last week someone filled their mouth with water and then spit into the pipe. I almost barfed all over the steam room. If I wasn't having sinus or allergy issues I wouldn't be so fond of the steam room.
While I am on this subject. I think bathing suits should be mandatory. I always wear them. No one wants to sit in your ass steam sweat. That's all I am saying. I usually stand, naturally.
1) Pace yourself. It's trashy to be hammered by noon at an all inclusive. I usually don't drink until dinner. Liver's like this too.
2) Go to the travel clinic a month before travel. Get Twinrix and Dukoral for diaharia (sp?). I failed to do this time so he is hoping. Also bring the pharmacy with you. Bring immodium, pepto pills (not the liquid that's gross,) Cold and Sinus medicine, Perkocets, valium, prozac and ruthies for the annoying drunk jocks, that will put them out and give you a night of peace.
3) Lysol Wipes. I can't stress this enough. Wipe everything as soon as you get there. Counter tops, inside of drawers, bath tub, door handles, The Bible, remote, telephone, head board, etc.)
4) Love your anus. All the drinking and unlimited food may catch up with you. Bring Charmin brand toliet paper and also moist flushable wipes. This will make the daily droppings go much smoother. Literally.
5) Tip! Tip the bartenders and maids. Giving bartenders cash upfront early on will make them remember you for the whole trip. Leave your left over shampoos and conditioners for the maids. Money is good too. Notebooks are key for the keys. They are hard to get in the 3rd world countries.
6) Don't over pack! I always do and have to pay. I have been going to the gym so maybe my guns will work in my favour this time.
7) Sunscreen is key. Skin cancer is serious and burnt skin is not cute skin.
8) Book the a la carte restaurants as soon as possible once you arrive. It's better food and fills up quick,
9) Do not climb flag poles. They are for flags not people.
10) Do thank the people who care for your pussy while you are away. Thanks Heath, Belle and Michelle!
11) Do bring self help books and lend them to annoying people at the resort.
12) Bathing suits are fun. Bring lots.
13) Don't gamble when hammered. Believe me!!!!!!!! (I like how this is tip 13)
I think that's all.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Damn Hell - Conyo Carajo
Gloria probably thought this after she was hit by a bus in the 90s. She is okay now.
Shit - Mierda
You got to be shitting me if you didn't think Desi dropped the S or shoud I say M bomb.
Because I flipping feel like it - Porque de la realismia
This could be Eva's response when asked about why she takes bad roles such as like in the Women. Or it could be that it's all the work she can get.
I have the fire of the sun in my pants - Tengo el fuego del sol en mis pantalones
Andy was over heard yelling this after eating chilli. Wowzers!
You Slut - que zorra!
Singer Celia Cruz must have yelled this at some time to Gloria Estefan. You know those fiery Cuban ladies. Hmmm. Do you think the curtain matches the rug?
Monday, April 13, 2009
I was walking down Bloor Street by my house the other when we heard the best conversation ever. Here is how it went down.
Woman 1: Oh you have to do it on drugs...When I first got waxed.....
Women 1: HAHAHAHAHAH. (they laughed at me and Heath laughing at theem.)
A reminder that I am not singer because my grade four teacher, one Mrs. Api Stager, told me I sing off key and should lip synch in music to not throw off the other students, well that and the fact that I don't sing well.
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Actually I didn't smoke a fatty. I don't like that. I like rules and laws.
My brother Dave is getting married this summer, I should know the date but I don't at this time. If you are interested in going please contact your nearest Craig or buy at the door. It's in Kitchener on May 2. It's a super hero theme. I will be dressed as Clark Kent. I blocked out the location so that my blog stalkers don't show up to profess their love to me.
Hey, it could happen.
Mya looks pretty grossed out about them but Mya Pussy is a bitch this weekend. She scratched my neck and almost sliced my jugular wide open. She drew a lot of blood and I have a noticeable scratch.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Check this shit out, I did not write the text:
4 tablespoons flour
4 tablespoons sugar
2 tablespoons cocoa
3 tablespoons milk
3 tablespoons oil
3 tablespoons chocolate chips (optional)
A small splash of vanilla extract
1 large microwave safe coffee mug
Add dry ingredients to mug, and mix well. Add the egg and mix thoroughly.Pour in the milk and oil and mix well.Add the chocolate chips (if using) and vanilla extract, and mix again.
Put your mug in the microwave and cook for 3 minutes at 1000 watts.
The cake will rise over the top of the mug, but don't be alarmed!
Allow to cool a little, and tip out onto a plate if desired.
EAT! (this can serve 2 if you want to feel slightly more virtuous)
why it's the most dangerous cake recipe in the world !
Because now we are all only 5 minutes away from chocolate cake at any time of the day or night!
Thanks for sticking out my grandular fever outbreak. I feel almost as good as new, although 8 hour work days have been a bit tiresome I've been managing okay. Still no gym which is kind of sad. I am supposed to take a month off but with a trip to Cuba coming on April 18th beach bod seems more important than the possibility of a ruptured spleen. Here is where your spleen is if you didn't know. I better read up on my travel medical insurance coverage.
What else has happened while I have been sleeping for about 18 hours a day....We'll before I knew I had mono my cousin's Chris, Melissa, Kendra and Jeff were in town for a Friday night. We had a nice time and talked about how our parent's are obsessed with the weather. My dad still recommends that I don't leave the house while it's raining. Stuff like that. The Switch played another show and it was great. I went to a cowboys and native american party. I was a cowboy. Although I made a super cute cowboy, I looked a little strange and slightly crazy in this picture.
I was the only one with a lasso, now that is clever. Yesterday I directed a Home Hardware spot at Allan Garden's in Toronto. It went well, expect the camera broke, this has never happened to me before. We were able to get a new. Allan Garden's is really nice. It's a free flower and plant conservatory just east of Downtown which was really nice. Unfortunately hardly anyone goes there. Maybe it's because of the Hookers on the corner of Jarvis and Gerard or maybe the gross park you have to go through to get there. This park is literally gross, I had to carefully run through it, arms flailing, avoiding used comdoms and dirty herion needles. So not my scene.
There you have it new post and a long one to. To all the Nick's, Michelle's, Elle's and Laura B's who had comments to say about my lack of blogging screw you! I was sick. I could have died.
Here comes the fun,
blog note: There will be no blogging April 18-25.