Saturday, January 31, 2009

As promoised (one day late)



Here is my drinking underage story. I moved to College when I was 18 so I was sober most of my entire first year. I had friends from back home coming to celebrate the last all ages event at Lulus which at the time was Canada's biggest bar.

There was a ride program on the way into the parking lot and the Police asked if I had been drinking, I said I had a drink and then they gave me a $125 ticket. I wasn't driving just a passenger.

So then instead of paying the full price of the fine, I wrote the Ministry of Justice a letter saying that $125 seems a bit much for having a beer underage. I sent them a cheque for $60 and explained in the letter that a took one left beer from my Omma's birthday party. I was trying to play up the foreigner not knowing the rules angle.

The Ministry of justice then sent a letter to my parents house. My mom having got letters from them before thought it was for jury duty, Now I can't remember if she opened it or not. I don't think she did. She just called the ministry and was all like "My son is a student he can't do jury duty." They were all "We don't want your son for jury duty." Then my mom opened the letter and I saw that they wanted the extra $65 for my drinking underage charge.

I got home from school and my roommate was all "You need to check the messages." There was my mom and she was not impressed. I called her and she started to cry and she was yelling at me. She always cried when her little angel, Marky D got in trouble but it only happened a couple times.

So Isobelle drove me to pay the rest of the ticket and on the way out of the parking lot a drove into a transport truck wheel and gently hit her head off the horn of her car and it made a beep. Everything and everyone was okay but I laughed for an hour straight. A fitting end to a stupid situation.

I am an asshole

This morning I went to kick my exercise ball on to the couch when I kicked it too high and bashed Mya Pussy in the face with it. Here she is dazed and confused after the blow.
Sorry pussy!

Friday, January 30, 2009

Today on my way to the beerstore...

I was approached by 2 underage boys, one of who asked me "Are you on your way to the beerstore." No shit sherlock I had a box of empties with me. He then said "My friend wants to know if you can buy him some beer?" Sorry Dude I said. Here are my reasons:

1) I live for rules.
2) What a pussy the friend is, getting another guy to ask for him. I could see using a girl as a decoy but getting a male friend to ask LOSER!
3) What if they had been banned from the Beer Store already? All the people at the Beer Store know that I am the guy that buys a 12 pack of Rickard's White. Adding something suspicious to my order could get me in hot water
4) I didn't have fake ID so I suffered. I like others to suffer as well.

Tomorrow I will tell you about the time I got caught for drinking underage. It's a go one.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Best birthday present ever


I found out yesterday my tied for first favourite sister, Carolyn and her son, my third favourite nephew, Aven from B.C. will be in town for my birthday this year (March 8,) FUN!

Like the ranking? Come on we all rate our favourites, even our family members. I just publicize mine.

Leaping lizards, well actually not that leaping

Check out this massive dead snake


Are snakes even considered lizards?

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

banned Peta Commercial



This Peta commercial was banned by NBC and will not air in the Superbowl this weekend as intended. Peta's advertising is generally over the top. I don't think pretty girls rubbing vegetables are over they're bodies is going make most men drop their chicken wing and stick only to the carrots. Also shouldn't Peta be spending their money to educate and stop cruelty to animals instead of buying time in the Superbowl.

This is my favourite machine at the gym

I love the Cybex. It combines climbing and cross country skiing (I always thought I would be a good cross country skier.) I alternate the Cybex or eliptical and then move on to arms and back or legs and abs. I am really enjoying going to the gym and feel so good after my workouts.

One thing I don't like about the gym is people who don't sanitize the machine afterwards. This one dude today was touching everything and not wiping the machines down. I even put two bottles of sanitizer beside him while he was working out. I am going to start to pre and post wipe all machines.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Next!

Today at work I held casting auditions for the first time. It was a fun time and great experience. I was looking for hockey moms and dads of 7 year olds who are between 35-40. I had a great time doing it!

Galen Weston is gonna be pissed


You've seem the likable Galen Weston, the likbale executive chairman of Loblaws, which owns, Loblaws, Superstores,Zehrs, No Frills, etc.

Well today in Toronto my local Loblaws which I visit on occasion was shut down for various public safety offenses.

Citing a major vermin infestation including rats and mice (including droppings on shelves,) "failure to protect food from contamination" and failing to "properly wash surfaces." Barf, vomit, puke.

I used to buy produce on occasion from this location. Totally bull shit.

This is good: Tostitos zesty bean and cheese salsa


Yummy! Tostitos has a new zesty bean and cheese salsa on supermarket shelves now. It's yummy and would be really good in homemade burritos. Mmmmmm. Burritos. It's good try it!

This is kind of dirty, kind of brantford and kind of funny

My friend Angie who is one of Toronto's most gifted Art Directors is working on an album of photoshopped pictures called My Friends are Degenerates. I happily made the cut for the first time.

Sharing is caring!

Monday, January 26, 2009

Luke, I am your father

After last night's SAG Awards I am a huge fan of James Earl Jones. He won the lifetime achievement award. Read this amazing story.

Did you know he developed a stutter as a child from stress after his parent's divorced and shipped him off to his grandmothers. He was so embarrassed he didn't speak for 12 years until a teacher made him read a poem he wrote out loud. He didn't stutter, got his confidence back and joined the theater. I found that amazing! One of the most recognizable voices in the world not speaking for 12 years. I can barely go 35 seconds without speaking.

Happy birthday Melvin!

Happy Birthday today to Canada's greatest import from South Africa via England.

Hey Duuude, Hope you had a great day!

Music to my ears: Kylie Remixes

Kylie Minogue has a remix cd out now of remixes to some of her biggest hits since 2000. The album called "Boombox" is streaming on Spinner this week. It will be appearing on my ipod for the gym shortly.

Marky watched Wall-e tonight

I saw Wall-E for the first time tonight. It was really cute. Although I did pass out briefly 3 times through out it. I worked out a little too hard tonight I think before hand. The song by Peter Gabriel at the end called "We're Coming Down" was great fun. Here it is below:



It's up for the best song Oscar up against 2 songs from Slumdog, including one from my favourite M.I.A. Those Academy members have a tough choice ahead of them.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Mya just barfed...


And I just rolled my exercise ball into it. Gross. Look closely you can see some hair.

This is good: Baldivis Wine

...But it is also bad. This 2005 Western Australian Chardonnay is pretty good. I was drawn to the new bladder pack not even checking to see if it was recyclable. I usually also see. It says it's eco friendly but I don't think it is.

It's a sad day for those who make mexican food

I found out from a President's Choice Insider this week that they have discontinued their Memories of Louisana smoky chipotle sauce. This was a staple for all my taco and fajita dishes. I am not impressed.

Click here to complain which I will do for the next 3-7 days (the amount of time it takes me to get over being annoyed.)

I would be okay if you wanted to call me this

This is awesome. A friend posted this on my facebook wall today. You can call me Big M.

Saturday, January 24, 2009

My eyes are not my favourite organ right now


Yesterday I went to the lazy eye specialist for the first time in 3 years. He told me my lazy eye is unfixable. He also said I have develop an astigmatism in one of my eyes now.

I guess I should start looking for a spouse with vision problems. Could you imagine waking up to someone who could only look at you with one eye while the other one is staring up at the ceiling. Oh what a minute I am not selling my self that good. I hear lazy eyes are 2009's answer to skinny jeans and scarves.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

AHHHHHH Kelly Clarkson



Ha Ha Ha (get it, 40 year old virgin.) So Kelly Clarkson has released the first single off her comeback album coming out sometime soon I guess I don't really know. It's good. It ain't no Since you been gone but is better than anything on her last album, which she wrote herself. Pig farmer's from the South should let other people write their lyrics I say.

I never read the viewer comments but these one's were actually pretty funny, let's discuss

beboploser
numero uno [number one] on iTunes!!!!!!
and i totally agreee!!

Mark says: Thanks beboploser Thanks for explaining to us what numero uno means. I would never have guessed. Now what does beboploser mean?

devoid222
wooooo i hate this song lol jks its awsome!!!!!

Mark says: Devoid222 you snake, you got us again. We actually thought you be realz. Hey playa!

TokioHotelLvr1
97.3

Mark says: TokioHotelLvr1, what could Kelly do to get the other 2.8 points she needs to get the full 100. I think Kelly would appreciate it for personal development.

KaeseKuchenxD
Glad someone make good music,yet
I like it,and those people who said "some things"Whats your problem?Don't write this respectless comments,when you don't like her!
I love her & her music, shes something special
And I will always hear her music,doesn't matter whether reagge,rock,pop,country or whatever.
Its her voice which touch me everytime,which make every song beautiful,yes,I think that's it!

Mark says: Kukoo, Kukoo (I edited this one down a bit.) Those people who be talkin' "some things" better watch out or I be doing "some things' back to them. While I be doing "some things" I will be hearing Kelly Clarkson no matter if she regaee, polka, spoken word, whatever.

That was fun. Matybe a new feature.

I hate guns (still)

Today there was a shooting at the subway station I get off at for work. It happened just over an hour after I got off to go to work. 2 guys got in a dispute at the platform level and then the shooter fired at least 4 shots hitting the victim in the stomach and thigh (thankfully, he will live.) This is some scary shit. I hate violence. Just go for a beer and talk your problems out. Beer solves all problems. It really does (especially Rickard's White)

I have a confession to make

Last night I went for beer and nachos with some friends. I totally had the worst kind of gas and blamed it on everyone around me. I don't know what I did to deserve it but my ass was making smells like never before. It smelt like rotten egg stink bombs and filled the bar with my stink.

Some random guy left the area we were in to use the washroom, I blamed it on him. I blamed my friends and I blamed a waitress. I even used a dirty bar public washroom, which had no lock on the stall. I had to keep it closed with my foot. Disgusting. The kicker of this is that I didn't have to even drop the kids off at the pool. I just thought perhaps I should it a go.

We switched bars and went to Sneaky Dees for nachos. I thought I was going to get off and then it happened again as we were leaving. Shitballs! Michelle made a comment about the resurgence of smell. Joni denied that she smelt it. So I naturally blamed her again for the smell. I am an asshole. But it was pretty funny.

I don't what caused me to smell that way. I was eating my regular healthy food. Maybe working out? Perhaps it was a form of my body detoxing for all the fitness frollocks I am giving it. Maybe it was the protein shakes I just started or could it be the old wine I drank before the bar. Who knows. I am happy to report that this morning I was back to good form and no smell.

To recap: Remember who ever smelt it, dealt it (then apologize later.)

It's the most wonderful time of the year

The Oscar Nominees were announced this morning. Here are the nominees:

BEST PICTURE
"The Curious Case of Benjamin Button"
"Frost/Nixon"
"Milk
"The Reader"
"Slumdog Millionaire"

BEST ACTRESS
Anne Hathaway, "Rachel Getting Married"
Angelina Jolie, "Changeling"
Melissa Leo, "Frozen River"
Meryl Streep, "Doubt"
Kate Winslet, "The Reader"

BEST ACTOR
Frank Langella, "Frost/Nixon"
Sean Penn, "Milk"
Brad Pitt, "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button"
Mickey Rourke, "The Wrestler"
Richard Jenkins, "The Visitor"

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
Amy Adams, "Doubt"
Penelope Cruz, "Vicky Cristina Barcelona"
Viola Davis, "Doubt"
Taraji P. Henson, "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button"
Marisa Tomei, "The Wrestler"

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR
Josh Brolin, "Milk"
Robert Downey Jr., "Tropic Thunder"
Philip Seymour Hoffman, "Doubt"
Heath Ledger, "The Dark Knight"
Michael Shannon, "Revolutionary Road"

BEST DIRECTOR
Danny Boyle, "Slumdog Millionaire"
Stephen Daldry, "The Reader"
David Fincher, "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button"
Ron Howard, "Frost/Nixon"
Gus Van Sant, "Milk"

BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY
Dustin Lance Black, "Milk"
Courtney Hunt, "Frozen River"
Mike Leigh, "Happy-Go-Lucky"
Marttin McDonagh, "In Bruges"
Andrew Stanton, Jim Reardon, "WALL-E"

BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY
Simon Beaufoy, "Slumdog Millionaire"
David Hare, "The Reader"
Peter Morgan, "Frost/Nixon"
John Patrick Shanley, "Doubt"
Eric Roth, Robin Swicord, "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button"

BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM
"The Baader-Meinhof Complex" (Germany)
"The Class" (France)
"Departures" (Japan)
"Revanche" (Austria)
"Waltz with Bashir" (Israel)

BEST ANIMATED FILM
"Bolt"
"Kung Fu Panda"
"Wall-E"

BEST ART DIRECTION
"Changeling"
"The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button"
"Dark Knight"
"The Duchess"
"Revolutionary Road"

BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY
"Changeling" Tom Stern
"Slumdog Millionaire," Anthony Dod Mantle
"The Reader," Chris Menges
"The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button," Claudio Miranda
"The Dark Knight," Wally Pfister,

BEST FILM EDITING
"The Curious Case of Benjamin Button," Kirk Baxter, Angus Wall
"The Dark Knight," Lee Smith
"Frost/Nixon," Daniel P. Hanley, Mike Hill
"Milk," Elliot Graham
"Slumdog Millionaire," Chris Dickens

BEST COSTUME DESIGN
"Australia," Catherine Martin
"The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button," Jacqueline West
"The Duchess," Michael O'Conner
"Milk", Danny Glicker
"Revolutionary Road," Albert Wolsky

BEST DOCUMENTARY FEATURE
"The Betrayal (Nerakhoon)"
"Encounters at the End of the World"
"The Garden"
"Man on Wire"
"Trouble the Water"

BEST ORIGINAL SONG

"Slumdog Millionaire," "Jai Ho," A.R. Rahman
"Slumdog Millionaire," "O Saya," A.R. Rahman & M.I.A.
"Wall-E," "Down To Earth," Peter Gabriel & Thomas Newman

BEST ORIGINAL SCORE
"The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button," Alexandre Desplat
"Defiance," James Newton Howard
"Milk," Danny Elfman
"Slumdog Millionaire," A.R. Rahman
"WALL-E," Thomas Newman

BEST MAKEUP
"The Curious Case of Benjamin Button," Colleen Callaghan, Fionagh Cush
"The Dark Knight," Peter Robb-King, John Caglione Jr.
"Hellboy II: The Golden Army," Mike Elizalde, Thom Floutz

BEST SOUND EDITING
"The Dark Knight," Richard King
"Iron Man," Frank Eulner, Christopher Boyes
"Slumdog Millionaire," Tom Sayers
"Wall-E," Ben Burtt, Matthew Wood
"Wanted," Wylie Stateman

BEST SOUND MIXING
"The Curious Case of Benjamin Button," Mark Weingarten, David Parker, Michael Semanick, Ren Klyce
"The Dark Knight," Ed Novick, Lora Hirschberg, Gary Rizzo
"Slumdog Millionaire," Ian Tapp, Richard Pryke and Resul Pookutty
"Wall-E," Ben Burtt, Tom Myers, Michael Semanick
"Wanted," Chris Jenkins, Frank A. MontaƱo and Petr Forejt

BEST VISUAL EFFECTS
"The Curious Case of Benjamin Button," Eric Barba
"The Dark Knight," Chris Corbould, Nick Davis, Paul Franklin, Tim Webber
"Iron Man," John Nelson

BEST LIVE ACTION SHORT FILM
"Auf der Strecke (On the Line)"
"Manon on the Asphalt"
"New Boy"
"The Pig"
"Spielzeugland (Toyland)"

BEST ANIMATED SHORT FILM
"La Maison en Petits Cubes"
"Lavatory - Lovestory"
"Oktapodi"
"Presto"
"This Way Up"

BEST DOCUMENTARY SHORT FILM
"The Conscience of Nhem En""The Final Inch" "Smile Pinki" "The Witness - From the Balcony of Room 306"

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

I think I may like Michelle Obama

From what I did in passing of the inauguration she looked good. She seems like the type of friend or mother you would have to watch yourself around not to offend her. Like watching what you say and trying to behave to their expectations. I wouldn't partake in an open bar party if Michelle was there. I think she would be disgusted by me.

Or maybe she has got us all fooled and is a crazy party animal. I guess only time will tell.

Rogers = ridiculous

I got a letter from Rogers today stating that all my services are going up by over a buck a month beginning March 1st. I feel like this just happened. I think our elders would vomit if they knew how much we actually pay for TV and internet.

Busy little beaver

Whoa! I have been busy. Last night I worked until nearly midnight and tonight til close to 8. Then I came home made dinner and then went to the gym for last call. I did a machine called the Carbex or something like that. It's like an elliptical but it's deep knee bends while running. The machine even had an LCD TV with full cable. That was fun. I watched CP24 as I haven't had a chance to watch my beloved channel at work for the past 2 weeks.

I missed the whole Obama love fest. Oh well. Cleaning night didn't even start until after 10:30pm. I am happy to report its all done now.

Monday, January 19, 2009

This blows: No more paper planes

My dance video to MIA's paper planes has been removed from YouTube due to a copyright claim from the record label. (Insert sobs here.) That's sad. I am the biggest MIA fan and would never do anything to hurt her. I think a lot of people were introduced to that song through me.

It got up to 1640 views before going the way of the Dingo.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

I joined the gym today!

This is amazing fun times. I joined my local gym today. Fun! Today I did a half hour of elliptical I couldn't stay late. Sunday is salad making and laundry so I was behind on those. But I am very excited about my new gym membership. One thing though is that I need to buy more shorts. I don't really own gym shorts. I will rectify this during the coming week. I have also started taking Whey Protein. Look out Toronto beaches during the summer of 2009 Hubba hubba! My gym has a pool too which is an added bonus. I adore swimming.

The one thing I don't like about this gym (and any other gym) is the locker room. Like tonight I bent over to tie up my shoes and their was a 70 year old asshole (like a mean literally) asshole in front of my face. There are no benches only step stools to tie up shoes. It will be nice when it warms up as I live 3 blocks away and there won't be snow on my shoes. Also there are common towels for wiping off machines. I don't think this is sanitary. I will be addressing my concerns about cleanliness to management.

Check out my membership photo (hello mug shot!)

Katie is with the Kangaroos!

So Katie made it safely to Australia and has also met new friends. That's fun. I am happy for her. What a great adventure, Australia for a year and a half. That's going to be crazy fun times. She was able to watch an entire season of House and still have extra time on the plane. That's over 24 hours! I can only guarantee good behaviour for 3 hours. I would have been a pain the flight attendants butt.

Winter brings on the urination

The cold of winter always makes me have to use public restrooms. The messed up thing is that it gives me no warning and then it is instantaneous. I was having tea with an old co-worker on Friday when walking back to work I declared "I have to go to washroom right now!" She suggested the second cup which was 2 blocks away. I said I think I may need to use the black bull pub's washroom. Then she reminded me that I have walked out of the black bull's washroom before because of grossness.

Then we went to the Second Cup with our David's Tea cups in hand, but the door was locked so I made the run back to the first floor of work. I made the Flay jay walk. I am an asshole but atleast it all work out in the end.

Saturday, although I was under the weather I was out in the cold for 3 hours looking for new boots. I had to go the washroom 5 times. That's a lot of grande Wild Sweet Orange Teas, which also could have led to the washroom breaks. Cold weather sucks.

New recycling rules in Toronto

So Toronto has some new great additions to it's recycling portfolio. Did you know you can now recycle styrofoam and grocery bags. Recycling is so sexy!

Check out the full list here.

New monitor equals fun

On Friday at work I got set up with a new 22 inch computer monitor. That's fun. Even more fun I will be switching to a Mac in the coming weeks.

Take a peek.

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Now this is a bargain: Europe's Best

All Europe's Best frozen vegetables and fruits are $1.99 this week at No Frills. That's amazing. I've seen them for $6.99 before.

Although many of them are products of China and India (Not Europe) the quality is still really good.

Friday, January 16, 2009

Pure bullshit

So see below the big dark hole. Ya, I live in their. It blew. On the coldest night of the year to go a night and a morning without power is not ideal.

I came home from the bar last night, went number 1, the cold always makes me have to. Then I brushed my teeth, washed my face and wrapped myself up in duvet love with full clothes on. I think my body just shut down because of the cold. This morning I was super late for work. I couldn't bear the thought of getting out from under said duvet.

Then I found out the Subway was shutdown and line ups for shuttle buses were massive and people were pushing. So I decided to do the 45 minute walk in -25 weather. With no street lights cabs were no where to be found.

I also shouldn't have gotten ready for work in the dark. Good thing for nice co-workers who told me I had white marks all over my sweater (I dried it on a old clothes rack, it must have been dusty.) She also said I had a mud like substance on my hood. Although we couldn't re-locate it. I also spilled coffee down my pants (good thing for tide to go and lysol wipes.) My co-worker told me not to worry though as people wouldn't be looking at stains since my jeans were doing all the right things in all the right places. People wouldn't see the now minor stains. Ha!

When I finally got to work I was freezing cold all morning until for lunch I pigged out on Garlic Bread, Soup, fries and club wrap from Swiss Chalet.

I got home from work at 7:30 and the power was back on so that was good!

Myself, my pussy (Mya) and my testicles thank Toronto Hydro. One good thing is that the black out defrosted my old crappy fridge which very much so needed it!

I'll catch up on more blogs tomorrow.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

It's cold, but it's Canada

This happens every year people. Stop complaining.

Here are some tips to warm up in the cold weather:

1) Tea does a body good. Drink lots of it to warm up
2) Wear big sweaters (preferably striped)
3) Be active while outside, it will get your body heat rising. (grrr.)
4) Red wine always warms the cockles of my heart
5) Crank the heat (or atleast turn it on in my case)
6) Bundle up. That means hat, scarves, gloves and boots. Ladies if your ass is hanging out of your coat, it's going to freeze.
7) Take slip, trip or fall. The ground is cold.
8) A hot shower before bed is always nice.
9) Winter is a nice time to check up on full seasons of TV shows you just discovered.
10) Dance often.

Also it's going to be cold until atleast the end of March. Don't be a hibernater. Having a social life and getting out is great for the mind and body.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

I'm not happy to see you, I just have a roll of duct tape in my pants


I have worn size 34 pants my whole life. I always have. I flirted in an earlier post about dropping a waist size but then I measured my waist with a tool tape measure and it ended up being 35 inches so I thought I should just stay at 34.

Then co-workers of mine were talking about how Elvis' waist was 34 inches. I said that Elvis and I had the same size waist. They looked at me as though I was retarded and said I am definitely not a 34. I did tell them that I can just most of my pants off without undoing them or my belt. The looks of retardation continued.

Tonight to test it out I was able to stick a roll of duct in the waist of my 34 inch pants. I guess I should go and get properly measured so I know for sure.

Music to my ears: Fever Ray

Karin Dreijer Andersson is one half of the Knife. The wicked cool swedish duo. Now trying her hand at a side project as Fever Ray. The album is available digitally on iTunes today. It doesn't hit stores until March 23. This is happening more and more. Eager fans (like me) can start dowloading today over 2 months prior to the stores. I have already done so.

Here is Fever Ray's awesome new video to "If a had a heart. It pretty eye catching"



Today was extra good

Today, I was offered a full time permanent position with my work. I have been in Mat Leave contracts in the same position for the last 2 years. If I didn't get this it would have meant back to Scarborough (not fun, nor safe, bang, bang)

Also my iMac replacement keyboard finally came. I have been without it for 2 weeks. Happy to have a new good one back home. I hate the Apple Store though.

Here is a photo of Mya Pussy and I celebrating.

Monday, January 12, 2009

So good: Paper planes remix

This is so good. My favourite song of 2008 remixed for my favourite movie of the year (so far.)


Slumdog swept the Golden Globes which means I will probably be seeing it again with my favourite sister in law Marcia. She has young kids so to maximize her away time we see 2 Oscar nominated films on the same day some weekend in in February. It's always a good time. Except when last year I think I suffered a minor heart attack during the chase scene in No Country for Old Men. I love that movie. Heart attack and all. I think I like Slumdog better though.

Sometimes I get confused...

So on Saturday I gave American tourists directions to the ACC. They were waving American flags and singing the U.S. theme song. I tried to avoid them as I thought they may pummel me but they ended up being nice and asking for directions.

I was re-telling the story to friends this weekend and said "I ran into some Americans they were singing the American theme song, Jose, can you see by the donserly light..." "Are you joking?" My friends said. Those are not the words. I always thought it was Jose and Donserly. I had no idea who Jose was or what a donserly light meant but I have always thought those were the words.

Retarded!!!!!

Here are the real lyrics, for you other retards out there:
O! say can you see
by the dawn's early light
What so proudly we hailed
at the twilight's last gleaming.
Whose broad stripes and bright stars
through the perilous fight,
O'er the ramparts we watched
were so gallantly streaming.
And the rockets' red glare,
the bombs bursting in air,
Gave proof through the night
that our flag was still there.
Oh, say does that star-spangled banner yet wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave?

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Golden globes wrap up

I love award shows. I only saw the last half of the award show as I got in late from Brantford. It was a pretty good show (what I saw.) Tina Fey rules telling 3 blog writers you don't like her to suck it. Ha Ha Ha! Also Slumdog Millionaire pretty much swept everything it was nominated for. Kate Winslet was awesome as well.

Here is my favourite song from Slugdog which won Screenplay, Motion Picture Drama, Director and score.

Friday Falls: Fri Jan 9

Carmen Electra and Sammy from Days of our Life fall on the runway.
So it's a little late. Crazy busy week and weekend.

This is good: East side mario's salad dressing

Yummy! Did you know know East Side sells their salad dressing? Yummy yum yum! It's $5.

I couldn't find a photo of it online so this is me holding the bottle.

By the power of grey skull

Today at my sister's going away party my dad pulled out our old Star Wars and He-Man toys for the nephews. (Please note: I have never been a fan of Star Toys.) Ian and I watched an episode of He-Man on You Tube. There were a lot of characters in that show. Hearing my 2 year old nephew yell by the power of grey skull were holding a light saber is a hilarious thing.

I only remembered He-Man, She-ra and Skeletor. Also who ever wrote that show must of been on serious drugs looking back now.

Every episode ended with a helpful tip for kids.

Here is some life lessons from He-Man himself.

Aunt Katie is going to live with the kangaroos and kowala bears

Today in Brantford we had a going away dinner for my sister Katie who is going to Australia for at least a year and a half for school. It was a great time. My nephew Ian declared that Aunt Katie is going to live with the kangaroos and kowalas. There were some tears from family members, surprisingly not from me. I am excited for my 23 year old sisters adventures. This is the time to do it. I actually hope to visit a some point.

She will also be back in June for a brother's wedding.

I've been brushing up on my Aussie. So Katie from your Dag brother Mark, Have a dinky-dee time. Hopefully you don't have any earbashing people beside you on your 30 hour flight. Your trip will for sure not be a shit house. You will have beaut time for sure. I lurve you (please note: Only one Aussie says lurve.)

This was gross: Raccoon hat

Saturday afternoon I was walking through Kensington Market and there was some old dude wearing a raccoon skin hat with the face still attached. It was gross, the face was bobbing as he walked. I think if you are gonna wear animal don't parade the poor animal's face around with the fur.

I found a similar one online. Click here to see it. I don't want the actual photo on my site.

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Movie Reco: The Wrestler


Tonight in Toronto I saw the Wrestler. It was really good. I used to love WWE growing up. So I knew I would probably like this.

It's the story about a former champ wrestler who is past his prime wrestling in local leagues now remarkably played by Mickey Rourke. He befriends an aging stripper, played by Marissa Tomei who has her boobs hanging out for 99% of her scenes. Great rack!

Critics are calling this Mickey Rourke's comeback movie. It probably is but I think the way he messed up his face with plastic surgery will hurt him in the long run. It works for a wrestler but probably not for an old romantic lead. Grow old gracefully people and don't squint in the sun. It causes crows feet!

D-List actors should not get plastic surgery. If you can't pay for the best don't get it!

In case you were wondering

I still like stripe sweaters, I always have.

Ga Ga

Lady GaGa got robbed when not nominated for songwriter of the year at the Grammys. Check out some of these great lyrics:

"How'd I turn my shirt inside out." From Just Dance

"Let's have some fun, this beat is sick, I want to take a ride on your disco stick." From Lovegame

"I'm your biggest fan I'll follow you until you love me. Pappa-Papparazzi. " From Papparazzi (is she trying to praise the Paps so that they will follow her?)

"I want to hold them like they do in Texas, please."
"Russian Roulette is not the same without a gun."
"I won't tell you that I love you, kiss or hold you, cause I'm bluffin with my muffin."
From Poker Face (My personal fav. Pa Pa Pa Poker Face.)

"My eyes turn from kinda blue to kinda blue, heya."
From Again Again

"Boys, boys, boys, we like boys in cars. Boys, boys, boys buy us drinks in bars."
From Boys, Boys Boys

"If everything, was everything but everything is over.
Everything could be everything if only we were older."
From Brown Eyes

"Ah-Get your ass in my bed!
Baby you’ll be, just my summer boyfriend, Summer Boy"
From Summer Boyfriend

Here is the video to Poker Face


Best parts:
3:08 - She sings to a big dog
3:11 - best dance move, Peekaboo. I am adding this to dance move repatiore.

This would suck...

...and probably happen to me. A Skier in the States tried to dismount from a chair lift when his boot got caught and somehow his pants and undies (hopefully he was wearing them) fell off. He did a whole length of the hill upside down with his manhood out.

That would be one cold little willy.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Happy 65th Dad

Today is my dad's 65th Birthday. Happy Birthday Dad! We celebrated on the weekend.

Here are some reasons why my dad is rad:

1) He is probably the nicest person I know. He loves to spoil people with trearts, such as chocolates, ice cream, treats and alcohol. I usually always get sent home with a good bottle of wine and a couple 20s.

2) We are basically the same person. Paranoid, a little nervous, safety cautious, appreciators of alcohol. We both love to cook and entertain, non drama and sometimes easy going. Anybody like me has got to cool. Although since we are so similar we have been know the bump heads before.

3) Seniors discount for me!

4) My dad are b0th have crazy laughs. I laugh like Eddie Murphy but longer, louder and harder and his laugh, well I can only describe it has someone who has peanuts stuck up their nose and can't get air out of them. It's a good one. At his party Saturday, people were actually requesting him to laugh. I never knew. This happens to me all the time to which we say "Say something funny bitch."

5) He used to be spoil me and my 5 siblings when my mom who is a nurse worked nights. This usually meant large candy canes, drumsticks, lick-a-colour popsicles and Miss Vicki's. All from the Brantford Whole Sellers.

6) He is a fighter rebounding from a heart attack, by-pass sugery and prostate cancer all in the last 15 years.

7) He is shorter than my mom. Good for him for being man enough to marry a tall lady.

8) He is an awesome interior decorator, everyone needs to know one. Call me. I will hook you up.

Now here is a photo of my dad smoking, while drinking a beer out of glass while skateboarding down an incline into traffic. Tomorrow I will post a scandalous photo of my dad, as I am leaving and can't find it now. Anyhow...

Happy Bday Dad!

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Movie Reco: Slumdog millionaire



Tonight in Toronto I saw Slumdog Millionaire. It was so good. It came highly recommended. Danny Boyle of Trainspotting fame did an amazing job as director and the film was beautiful to watch.

2 versions of M.I.A's Paper Planes were included in the film and it even ended with a Bollywood dance number. I love Bollywood dance numbers.

Speaking of dance numbers, me and the alley backup dancer will be rehersing a new one in the coming weeks and it sure to be a bigger hit then my previous one (check the lucious links section if you don't know what I am speaking of.)

Happy Oscar Season!

This is good: Chris and tal's better burgers


So for Christmas from my union, CEP 723M (I have no idea what any of that means) gave me a $30 gift certificate for Metro. First of all. I hate Metro. It's super expensive and they have those annoying baskets people drag behind them which are hard to get around. Although I still appreciate the gift I thought I would just try a few products my normal No Frills and Loblaws don't carry. I stumbled across frozen stuffed crust pizza which was good.

Today I made burgers from Chris and Tal's called the Bet-ter Burger. It was a burger made from half beef and half soya. So you get the beef taste but it is 65% less fat. It was good. Try it out.

You're Welcome.

Monday, January 5, 2009

This was awesome: Naughty girl

Today at work was awesome. Lots of people like me caught up on Summer Heights High. The show I am currently obsessed with. So there was lots to talk about today.

Here is a clip of Mr. G's musical which was originally named after Anabelle Dixon a student who recently died of a drug overdose. Anabelle's parents complained so Mr. G changed the girl's name to Jessica and then called the show Mr. G the musical. Although he didn't know Anabelle it's all about how he tried to stop her from using drugs. He is a clip

Injuries part 2

Okay here are some more injuries I sustained in childhood:

1) In grade school I climbed a fence in the winter and slid off it and fell through a wooden compost box and split my head open to 2 different place. I still have visible scars that can be seen when my hair is cut short as no hair grows there.

2) Once I was chasing my sister Laura up the stairs, I caught my baby toe on the corner of the wall leading to the stairs and ripped my toe out and too the side. It was gross. I barfed a lot after this.

3) In grade four I was racing some girl named Heather, she tripped me and I went flying head first into a brick wall. I still have a bump on the corner of my head that never went away. This needed stitches as well. Actually the janitor had to bleach the entire floor of the school due to my blood trail.

4) When I was much younger we were vacationing in a trailer at Darrien Lake and I rolled off a top bunk and bashed my head off the floor. I had a concussion.

There's lots more but we will save that for another day. So many head injuries. It's amazing that I ended up as cool as I am.

Sunday, January 4, 2009

And so the holidays end...

The holiday season is now officially done. I am okay with this. I am excited to get back to what is going to be an exciting and busy month of work. Also I need to dust my mantle so I am happy the garland and lights will come down tomorrow. I had a good time being off almost 2 weeks. Good eats, good friends and family. It was awesome tracking Santa's progress online with my nephew Ian. Celebrating my Dad's 65th birthday and ringing in a new year with some of my favourite people. My resolutions start tomorrow. If the West end Y's pool and locker room meet my specifications I will join by next week.

2009 is destined to be a good year. Already in the first quarter I get to send my sister Katie off to Australia, Go to Cuba for a friends wedding, see my favourite band, The Switch play Super Market and I get to go for my G1 license again for bar ID. I am so not a driver right now. I am too busy looking at billboards and people while driving.

My brother Dave is also getting married in July so that will be a fun time. Cheers to 2009!

Oops I did it again

Today I went to go get my laundry while cooking a pizza. I came in to my high rise and my smoke detector was going off. It startled my favourite of my 3 neighbours in my low rise, Paula. I felt bad. My kitchen was full of smoke but the pizza was still frozen not sure what happened.

This has happened before. I won't leave with food cooking again. I think this was my last strike. Now I now. Good thing my dad doesn't read my blog. He would have a shit fit. He is totally safety first.

Favourite tips I learned in 2008

Sharing is caring, here are my favourite tips I learned in 2008.

1) Don't want to sweat the bar out the morning after a bar night. Down the grapefruit juice to eliminate unpleasant pore leakage. Thanks Nick!

2) I walk atleast 2 hours a day and climb about 1,000 stairs (I do double stairs in the afternoon.) Keep your feet and shoes smelling new by spraying with unscented deodorant. It works miracles.

3) Don't serve Doritos at parties (I love Doritos) people were lick their fingers and then go back for more. Gross.

4) Don't facebook, call or text after the bar. Whatever you wanted to say it's not that important and likely will not come across how you meant it.

5) Don't squint in the sun, you are asking for crow's feet. Sun protection people.

6) Ch-Ch-Ch Charmin toilet paper is so worth the extra money

7) Have salad with every dinner. I make big salads Sundays and Wednesdays. You need to have 5-10 veggies a day. Drink lots of water too. The minimum is 8 glasses. I do twenty.

8) Be active. It may suck at first but you will see results and feel better.

9) Remember to not take yourself too seriously. I'm a little crazy with schedules and paranoia but I can still laugh at myself.

10) Work a job you love. I love my job and co-workers.

Me and injuries have had a long relationship

I love this picture. My sister in law used it in her video slide show at my Dad's party yesterday. I totally forgot about this. Here is the back story. My uncle Wayne and cousins came over to watch us as my mom was delivering my youngest sister, Katie. As my dad was about to leave I slid across the floor in our front hallway and ended up catapulting myself head first into the sharp corner of the chair rail on the wall. For those of you who don't know what chair rails are they are like a base board that goes across the wall half way up so you can decorate the bottom and top of the wall differently. I am lucky I didn't loose a lazy eye. I also think I barfed orange crush on the floor. I used to barf after major injuries. So my mom had Katie and she was taken to nursery. The nurse came to check on my mom and said Katie is doing great and Mark is going to be okay now too. My mom is a nurse at the same hospital so she was well known (not only for working there but for my repeat visits.) The nurse had to explain my head injury to my mom who just had a baby. Talk about timing.

My childhood best friend, Pat and his parents came to my dad's party and when they saw this photo they recalled the time they took my to a cottage and I followed Pat, who was an all-star hockey player down a steep hill on rollerblades. I was still having issues walking so my rollerblading skills were even more vomitable. I fell on the hill which at the end led to a rocky cliff and skidded down on butt. I burned all the skin off my leg from my ass crack to below my knee. Pat's mom who is also a nurse sprayed it with solarcane. It burned and freaking hurt so Pat told me to run the the pain off. I started running around the cottage and almost tripped and fell down a ravine. I barely held on. Yep, I'm a spaz.

A week later Pat's mom picked us up from seeing Ace Ventura: Pet Detective. We were on a double date. During the movie I tripped on the rope lights that lined the aisles and fell face first into the bottom of a metal movie seat and all of a sudden had a hole the size of a penny below my bottom lip. I didn't want Pat's mom to know or my parents so I hid it from his mom in the car. I think after a week of cleaning my butt she was pretty much done with me anyhow. At home I put a bandaid over it thinking my Parent's wouldn't notice. My dad sure did and then I got in trouble. Here is a photo of that scar.
I have scars all over. Whoa! Long post. I had more injuries to talk about. I will save that for tomorrow.

This was cute

Yesterday I was driving in Brantford with my brother and his kids. The 4 year old, Ian said to me "Unky Mark I have something to tell you." I asked what that was and he said "Unky Mark did you know Old McDonald's is my favourite restaurant." Ha Ha Ha. He calls McDonalds old McDonald's like the song about the farmer.

I love kids. Especially nephews and those that are not crying. It was priceless. Ian loves Old McDonald's chicken nugget happy meal best.

Saturday, January 3, 2009

This was very, very nice

Today we surprised my Dad for his 65th birthday. We rented a hall, had an open bar, food, his favourite music, video and decorations. It was a great time. It was so nice to be able to surround a man who gives so much of himself to his family and friends a great afternoon filled with the people that love him. He deserved it.

Special thanks to my mom and siblings Laura and Marcia who helped put tons with organizing, food and invitations. Marcia made a video with tons of pictures of us. My favourite was me in the video. I was freaking cute as a kid.

The other siblings helped out too. Dave picked up the food. Katie helped set up, Tim made a speech, Carolyn and Aven sent their love from B.C. and I was DJ. Yes, I have a ginantic family. I played my dad's favourite bands including Ronnie Hawkins, The Band, Chicago and Blood, Sweat and Tears.

Unky Mark was put too work as one of the only people who could rescue hellium balloons from the ceiling of the hall. I think the Unky Mark theme song also needs a few new lines. Here it is so far:

Unky Mark, Unky Mark
He's going to get the battery and save the day.
He's not to big and he's not to tough (Mark note: I have never liked this line!)
But when we work together
We got the right stuff.

Only me could end a Birthday post to my dad with a song about me. based on the Wonder Pets TV theme song. My oldest brother made this up when a battery fell out a sea-doo at his in-law's cottage and then nephews were concerned. I rescued it from the bottom of the lake. Yep, I'm amazing.

Dad's real birthday is Wednesday. Full Bday tribute and incriminating photos then.

Friday, January 2, 2009

How to stop a burlger

I woke up this morning around 5am-ish to what sounded like a lot of noise coming from the otherside of my kitchen window. There is a fire escape there. I don't open the blinds to that window often because it's gross out there. 2 tubby girls are always smoking outside and they leave thier smelly garbage out there as well.

I didn't want to open the blinds and have what I thought could be a burlger shoot me in the face. So I tried to picked out the side of the blinds, I couldn't really see anything. Then I decided to prepare myself if a break were to happen. Weapons! I thought first. I found a hammer and a butcher knife. I was going to bring them to the bedroom with me. Then I remember that I am accident prone and have never been in a true fight that it may be better if I run, if needed. The likelyhood of me tripping and stabbing myself would have been high.

So I grabbed my winter coat and put it in my bedroom, I got Mya Pussy's carrier and left it open on the floor just in case. Grabbed both my work and personal cell phones. I also put on some clothes (it's cold outside) and made sure that my bedroom window wasn't frozen in case I had to make the one storey drop with Mya Pussy in tow. It did. So I was all set should the burlger try to break and enter. The last thing I remember is coming up with ideas why my 2 neighbours are more thieft friendly (lawyer, roomates = more stuff and every burgler loves ladies!!!)

Then I awoke at 10am this morning. Everything was safe and sound. I have no idea what the noise was outside. But now atleast I have an escape route should I need one. Yes, I am a spazz.

Thursday, January 1, 2009

This is hilarious: We could be heroes

Chris Lilley is awesome. I finished up Summer Heights High and then found out that Chris had a show called We Could Be Heroes. He plays 6 characters all in the running for Australian of the year. It's hilarious. Even Better J'amie is in this one too.


My favourite character is Pat Mullins (I couldn't find a good video of her.) She was born with one leg longer than the other so she rolls everywhere.

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year everyone! I hope 2009 will be a happy, healthy and fun new year for all. I had a good 2008 and look forward to a great 2009! When you are surrounded by great family, friends and co-workers it's hard to have a bad year.

Usually I don't make resolutions but this year I did, they are:

1) Exercise more (and join the gym)
2) Sleep less (it's hard when you love your bed)
3) Stay in more and drink a little less (my liver would approve)
4) Do some courses so I can do my job better (this would be nice.)

Good luck to all of you on your resolutions!