Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
Touched By A Crack Whore
It seems that all drunk and high people are magnetically drawn to me. Weekly I have crazy run ins with a lot of screwed up people. I am also known for my hate of germs and people touching me.
So to my disgust last week on my way home from drinks with my friend Ron at the Green Room and I ran into a crack whore outside my place who was defiantely cracked out and kepted wiping her nose with her finger.
She was all "Hey Baby, let me come up I will suck your [you know what] for $25." To which I reply "No thanks." Then she wipes her nose again and then rubs her finger down my bare arm (with the finger she just used to wipe her nose) and says "Baby, you cold, let me come up and warm you up." Now remember I hate germs and I hate being touched, especially by crack whores. I stuck my arm that was just touched straight out as to not contaminate the rest of my body and decide that although something really gross just happened I will hold my barf back. I tell her to "go away." to which she replys "Sir, you are not very friendly." Her pimp comes over so I still with my arm straight up in the air open my apartment building front door and go upstairs.
I filled the bathtub with the hottest water I can get and then I started scrubbing my arm with anti bacterial soap and a scouring pad. 10 minutes later I decide that all the crack head grossiness has been scrubbed away and I feel good enough to go to bed.
In conclusion, Crack Whores are gross, they are grosser when they keep wiping thier nose and grossiest when they touch you after they touch thier nose.
If you see a crack run before they can touch you.
Monday, September 29, 2008
Thanks for all the nice things people have been saying about the dance. I love to entertain people and make them smile so I think it's been a success. A co-worker of mine now does the gun shot moves on her treadmill when listening to the song.
I am going to start work on a new song. The only other song I have choreographed is to "Heartbeats" by The Knife, but now that my parent's are blog readers and the content of the dance is a little risque. I think it's best to leave it off YouTube. Who I am kidding? The next time I get into the sauce it will probably end up getting filmed and posted.
Here are some reasons Katie is good.
1) She is super nice
2) She is very easy going (like me but without the germ issues or OCD)
3) She is easily bribed with Wii
4) She is going to teacher's college in Australia in January (That's fun.)
5) She works in a bar (I like having bar connections)
6) She makes good cookies and assorted other baked goods
Happy Birthday Katers!
First, the always awesome Tina Fey re-doing Sarah Palin on saturday's SNL.
Next up Sarah Silverman, the jewish comedian teamed up with the Jewish Centre for Education and Research to ensure Jewish people get their elderly relatives to vote in Flordia (If you're easily offended, don't watch.)
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Do you know the proper way to dipose of cfl bulbs? You need to wrap them tight in newspaper before discarding. There is mercury in there yo. If you ever break one you need to open the windows for an hour and clean up immediately, do not touch the broken grass with your bare hands and throw all the broken glass into a sealed bag. Safety is sexy!
I think I have her warm all my undies for the fall and winter season.
What a good little pussy pussy.
Friday, September 26, 2008
Thursday, September 25, 2008
I also found out that I have multiple secret admirers on the 5th floor at work. That's always good for the ego. I made all my co-workers laugh today when I made a joke about a self-confessed cougars, frilly boots. She loved it too. She calls herself a Crazy Coug.
The weather was beautiful, I had a great work home with a co-worker and stopped in David's for more tea.
Now I get to cap it all off with a birthday party with some of my favourite people.
I love days like these.
Don't forget about the dancing tomorrow!
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Here is a rundown on my scheduled activities. For someone who is easily distacted this helps me to stay on top of things.
This is a free night, I can do whatever I feel like all night long
This is cleaning night, it includes, vaccumming, mopping, washroom, microwave and dancing throughout the night to make the chores more fun.
This is garbage night, it has to be out by 9pm. (Hence cleaning on Tuesday.) I replace Mya's kitty litter today as well. Her litter is cleanned throughout the week but on Wednesday, She gets all new litter, just in time for ANTM
Yay! It's the weekend starting tomorrow night. I use this night to get together anything I would need for the weekend. If I am entertaining alcohol, appertizers, etc. I often try to catch up with some friends on Thursdays as well.
No tasks today
Groceries at noon. You miss the early beavers then and beat the afternoon rush.
3 hour power walk in the afternoon.
Laundry at noon. once again you miss the early beavers then and beat the afternoon rush. 3 hour power walk in the afternoon.
I also shave before I go to bed for the week ahead.
That's it. I can still do other things on the days speccified (and often do) but my errands need to be done first.
On my way home today I was stopped by a light at Spagina and Queen. Beside me was a police horse. It was giving me a weird look, I gave it a weird look back. Then he looked ahead and then back at me. I stared back. He looked at the road and then made a loud breathing noise. I took this of him calling me on for a race across the street. Kind of like his tires revving
He must have seen how fast I can walk before. The light turned green, I took off like lightning, the horse caught up but I dug down deep and gave it my all. I sprang forward and beat the Police horse by a full 2 seconds.
I looked back at the horse and smiled as I turned north on Spagina and he continued on.
I totally made glue out him.
The funny thing is one of the cakes read:
Ha Ha Ha. 2 spelling mistakes. They didn't even get the name right. That is so just like my Blog.
Back in Agincourt I used to bring in my own Birthday Cakes so I wouldn't have to get the dreaded No Frills Slab. My work birthday parties became quite a hit.
Monday, September 22, 2008
Although, the product looks disgusting, Mr. T really shines in this informercial. That Darla, isn't that bad either. We were obssessed with this at work a few weeks.
My workouts are also going well. I did 2 and half hours of power walking (1/2 at lunch, an hour home and an hour after dinner.) I also have increased my reps for abs, push ups and weights. I love how since I no body fat the results are instantaneous.
Sunday, September 21, 2008
I'm rooting for 30 Rock, Entourage, Dexter, Pushing Daisies and of course, my drinking buddy Sandra Oh, from Grey's Anatomy.
The Emmys mark the official openning of the 2008/2009 television season with 3 of the big U.S. networks premiering this week. Exciting stuff. I love TV.
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Everytime I leave my apartment while they are having an event. The organizer lady comes running out and is all "Oh, is it too loud? I'm sorry but it is only for a little longer. It's for a good cause." She makes me look lame infront of the neighbours.
I don't care about the noise. If she even knew how loud it got once she has closed up shop and one of my living room strobe light dance parties are happening she would vomit.
Thursday, September 18, 2008
It will also be my first time to Massey Hall after 7 years in the city.
Check out the video:
What a great line. I came to this world with nothing
and I leave with nothing but love
everything else is just borrowed
Check it out above.
Earlier today Michelle asked me if I knew if I was going to a stand up thing tonight or not. I replied "Michelle, I haven't even figured out when I am going to think about whether or not I'm going."
It just came out that way and it was awesome and then we laughed.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
and got crafty. Ben tried on Unky Mark's big shoes.We waited for the "Pizza Man"
and then we ate the pizza.
Ian then had a Spiderman popscile and it made his tounge purple.
Ben's tounge turned purple too.
Ben then put on a Knights hat and went to save the day.
Today was fun.
Monday, September 15, 2008
It's streaming on Spinner this week. While your there check out the Jem as well, she is great.
If I could find video of old ladies slipping on ice I would totally post them as well. In lieu of that I hope you enjoy this video of Geraldo falling. Ha Ha Ha
I came across All Things Tea today at Bloor and Bathurst. I have been eyeing it for a few weeks. I felt intimidated as I couldn't see in so I didn't know what it was about. Today the door was wide open which I haven't noticed before. It looked inviting and comparable to a Starbucks so I went in. When I asked what caffeine free teas they had they directed me to a wall of probably atleast 50 teas. All with tins that you could open and smell. I was in tea heaven. They had tons of caffeine free and decaffeinated Black, herbal, rooibos and green teas. I got a large 'ginger bounce" and then bought a retarded amount of loose teas.
Then I went to the website and found out that the tea in made in St. Jacobs. I love Mennonites! Having gone to school in Kitchener and all.
It's good check it out.
Then once I past the camera, the Director yelled 'Action.' Then the Assistant Director, fastly pointed me to the other side of the road. I quickly got across the street while being mildly amused by the whole situation.
Then I see Brandan Canning, who recently came out with a new album come out and start running towards a soccer ball.
If this was one of my shoots there would have been Production Assistants and signs saying to use the other sidewalk. Signs not signage. I hate the word signage. They are signs, they don't need to be glorified with a fancier word.
I guess I just run a tighter ship than others.
It's only $9.99 this week as part of Canadian Tire's 86th Anniversary Sale. It's the good ribbed ones which is also good for spinal rejuvenation.
Sunday, September 14, 2008
I miss my sister Carolyn. I call her C.C. Get it Carolyn Craig, aka C.C. She lives in the Koootneys of British Columbia. We had a nice long phone call tonight. She is feeling pariculatrly home sick these days having a new baby and not being near her parents or five siblings who love her so much. Next summer I hope to visit her and her boyfriend Alan and my nephew Aven. I haven't been there for 3 years.
So I plan on going. I always have an awesome, laid back time with lots of swimming.
But sadly Sarah has broken up with Jimmy Kimmel but she still rules. Here is her now Emmy award winning song, "I'm f-ing Matt Damon" and if you like her like me, check out her DVD "Jesus is Magic" I love her.
She totally looks like John McCain's Gun toting, Moose meat hungry running mate Sarah Palin. Here is a clip of Tina doing Sarah.
Here is the link, you want to look for yourself it happens between 3 and 5 minutes. I don't think you'll see me in my purple and white sweater.
Today I had a hot swimming date with my friend Melanie. I love to swim. Finally I have a friend who is almost as much part fish as me. I don't like fish but I love swimming and so does Mel. We went to Trinity Bellwoods which has free swimming every day (Although, I would also pay to swim as I love it so much.)
The only thing that wasn't great was that I forgot to bring my flip flops and I had to go barefoot in through the change room to get to the pool. So gross. As a preventive measure I came home and sprayed my feet with athlete's foot spray. Better safe than sorry.
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Later on last night I met up with some friends and went to the No Pants, No Problem benefit at Sneaky Dee's for the AIDS walk. Pants are optional. I went to it last year as well. Where Belle won for best underwear. Then I wore pants. I was planning on wearing pants this time because I always over pack my pockets with things I need (wallet, gum, sometimes camera, cell phone.) Being in my undies would not allow for these necessities to be readily available.
But in typical Marky fashion, a couple drinks went in, M.I.A's Paper Planes came on and my pants came down. I realized if I just drop pants to my ankles I could still keep my pocket stuff close by. I danced surprisingly well with pants at my ankles. I didn't even trip. I did pull them up to walk around.
It was quite liberating really, once Belle uploads the pics to facebook I will post some of the more juicy, gratuitous ones.
Today I got poked in the face by someone on street's umbrella. Then My Umbrella got stuck inbetween tree branches. I had difficulty getting it out and almost slipped on the sidewalk while pulling it out. That would have been a hilarious site.
All this happened not a month since someone walking down the stairs at Osgoode station closed thier umbrella and on my head. It was metal and it hurt. When they realized it wasn't closing properly they decided to try close it harder. That lady no longer gets a smile from me in the mornings.
Friday, September 12, 2008
Thursday, September 11, 2008
So much for me being considered as a mature Writer, Director, Producer, Editor. Which was the plan. If I was Gwen Stefani I would totally say "This shit is bananas. B-A-N-A-N-A-S!
Speaking of kids for the first time on Tuesday I am going to babysit my 1 and 3 year old nephews for 2 hours. This will be so much fun. I love those guys. Unky Mark is going to be the fun and crazy Uncle that lets them do whatever they want.
Pictured above is me and Ben, 1.
This is the only thing I have planned for my week off, besides lots of swimming and buying the perfect pair of brown cords. Which I actually found today.
Last night at the Idol after party, I tripped over a cable on the red carpet and went flying down the carpet. To make matters worse Ben Mulroney was on the red carpet being interviewed at the time. Ha Ha Ha.
If anyone sees footage of me flying through the frame please let me know. I need to see it.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
For all those you got to sneak a peek. You're welcome!
Okay, on my way to the Idol wrap party where my goal is to corrupt all 10 finalists in some way, shape or form including the short, fat guy from Newfoundland who looks like kd Lang. I'll let you know how I do.
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
While vacuuming today as part of Tuesday night's cleaning I heard knocking outside my kitchen window. Outside my window is a fire escape for some of the other tenants. I don't have outside access to it. So I continued vacuuming. Then the knocking got louder and was for sure on my actual window. The blinds were drawn up just a crack, the window open.
I bent over to look out the window and 2 cops were looking straight back at me. They asked me what address they were at. You think cops would investigate which window they were banging on. I said my address and they seemed like they had the wrong address. Then I told them the door beside me was a different address. I may have just sold them out. Oops. Ha Ha Ha. That's okay, I don't even know their names.