Thursday, July 31, 2008

Shh!!! Don't tell anyone...I like this song

Usually they repluse me, as they are the poster girls for camlydia but I actual like the Pussycat Dolls new song. They even gave the back up dolls 2 words in this song. "Ha" and "Oh"



Enjoy!

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

King for a day


Tonight I went to my local corner store for gum and juice. The regular store guy today referred to me as "The King." I replied "Why I am the king, kind shop keeper?" He then said "Why not?"


Damn right, why not. I am the king and that's all that matters (according to the store guy.) He then wished me Happy New Year. Maybe he is doing crack or maybe it's a new year somewhere in the world. Not sure, crack wouldn't surprise me. I think some shaddy stuff goes down in the store. It's always full but he serves me first. He gets me in and he gets me out. Maybe he thinks I'm a Narc. Ha Ha Mark the Narc! I would never Mark with a C. C is stupid.

Busy beaver!


This is going to be / has been a busy week. I have to pack up my office space by 4pm tommorow and have 3 videos done by the end of the week. I checked out my new digs on the first floor of 260 Richmond (which is connected to 299 Queen.) I may actually like it. I get a window and I'm now sitting beside the Fabulous Flay. 2 good things.

Always look at the positives!

Marcia, Marcia, Marcia


Happy Birthday to my favourite sister in law Marcia!

Here is why I like her:

1) She gave me nephews
2) She always pays
3) She is the only one in my family who also likes arts and entertainment
4) She takes me to 2 Oscar Nominated Movies every year
5) She signs my name on presents that she buys
6) She has a cottage
7) She likes TV
8) She is fun and nice

Happy Birthday!

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Maybe it's just the way her face is

This is a lady at work who always gives people dirty looks as they walk by. She is helping me with a project now. I am going to find out if her stink eye is just the way her face is or if she is in fact just not that nice.

This is sorta embarrassing


Much to my dismay I found this in my refrigerator tonight. It was tomatoes from taco night about a month ago. So gross. For someone who prides himself on cleanliness I am severely disappointed in myself. :-(

Bros before Hoes


Today I helped out with Reggie. We went for 2 walks, checked out the sights and sounds. You know normal doggy stuff.


I love walking Reggie because he likes to carry the leash in his mouth. It makes people smile. I like it when people smile so we make a good team.

Monday, July 28, 2008

100 Posts Yo


This is my 100 post. Wow! It seems like only yesterday. Thanks to all my friends, family, co-workers and of course my dear pussy Mya for all the fun and love. The people around me help to make up the person I am. I am blessed by knowing all of you.

It's you guys that make up the majority of my blog, besides of course my slips, trips and falls and the similar accidents of others.

For my 1000 post I will throw a big party. There will be karaoke, dancing, light snacks, Rickard's White, Cotton Candy and Stripper poles galore (for non-sexual, legs always on the outside spinning.)

Thanks and Smell you later,

Mark

Happy Birthday Banana


Happy Birthday Liana, Banana, Bonona, Bonaza!

Sunday, July 27, 2008

This baby puts me to shame

I can't imagine what she will sound like when she is 27. I atleast I laughed normally until puberity.

Sunday Shaves: Goatee

Sorry, I'm kind of midlly embarrassesd. Another crappy Sunday shaves. I shaved Wednesday so I didn't have much to work with. Here is a goatee shot. I didn't like my hair today so I put on a hat. Only briefly though. You have to let the folicles breathe yo.

Performance reviews are not fun


I have a performance review due tomorrow morning at work. It happens every year and I so do not like doing these. I have to grade myself on various job duties and explain why I deserve the mark. I also just realized the shirt I am wearing tomorrow requires ironing. It's gonna be a late night on Bloor Street West.

Always attach the wrist strap


I'm quite impressed with my progress in Super Mario Galaxy for wii. I have had wii for only about 3 months. Being a huge Mario fan from the beginning I have followed all the previous versions being very disappointed with Super Mario Sunshine for the game cube.


I didn't know if I was going to like Super Mario Galaxy as I don't really like outer space. I don't care about aliens, space ships, astronauts, etc. I do like stars but you can't even see them in Toronto.


Anyhow I'm almost done and pleased with my performance.

Big up to bumbershoots

bum·ber·shoot –noun Informal: Often Facetious. an umbrella.

For the first time in my life I have taken rain storms very serious, I think since I started walking 40 minutes home from work is where it began.

I have 2 umbrellas, a small one I always keep in my work bag for small to moderate rainstorms. Then I have a massive one I got in Kensington Market for heavy rainstorms and torrential down pours. Today on my 3.5 hour power walk I brought the smaller one. The forecast called for rain but it seems about half the time you are prepared for rain by lugging an umbrella around it doesn't happen, which is what happened today. It did rain for about 10 minutes around 7:30 but I was long done by then.

While I write this I see Mya is fondling the small one on the futon in the living room. I'm going to take a pic. Oh, here it is...
Maybe I should take it away from her. She is rubbing it with all 4 pussy paws and her tail. I think she may be enjoying it a little too much. What a whore.

The rocket victim


It came to my attention that some people think that I shot a young child in the face when I posted this video.


She wasn't a six year old or anything. She is actually 24 and can take a rocket to the face just fine. Her name is Laura and guys she is single.


The worm sexy lady


Last night, some friends and I met some lady who studies the mating of worms. She was affectionately referred to as the worm sex lady the rest of the night. I was a couple margarettas into the night so I don't remember anything she said but one thing is true, She loves worms.


Saturday, July 26, 2008

I love saturdays

Today, my friend Belle and I went to No Frills to pick up the Charmin that's on sale. We tried on clothes and then went for lunch and lots of Sangria. Sunny Summer Saturdays rule.

Life is good when you have Charmin, Sangria and good friends. That is the truth.

WTF: Missing Flip Flops Dream

Last night I had a dream that I lost my flip flops at some undisclosed beach and had to walk home bare foot.

There are so many messed up things with this dream.
1) I would never walk home in my bare feet, that is disgusting. I would call a friend to bring or buy new foot wear.
2) I am pretty good at keeping my belongings together and triple checking thier status while I am doing activities.
3) I don't even like flip flops. I can walk more faster in shoes. It's important to be efficient. I would've have brought running shoes and switched to flip flops at the beach. Flip Flops are okay for Laundry, close by stores and water activities. That's about it
4) Where were my friends to begin with. I usually don't go to beaches by myself. My dad would kill me.

I wonder what this dream could mean?

Who let the dogs out?


Mya and I invited our former roomate Reggie over for dinner last night. Here is a picture of Reggie making the first move on Mya.

Friday, July 25, 2008

Friday Falls - July 24

Happy Weekend!



Someone fainted on me today

Today I was on the subway on my way to work. All of a sudden I felt something against my back. At first I was all "Ewww, who is the person rubbing all up on me." Then I looked around and people behind me were trying to grab him and pull him up. I was keeping him up with my back.

He never lost conciousness and someone who knew first aid got the Subway people to call the paramedics and first aid guy stayed with him.

All should be okay. It's nice to help others when they need it.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

'S' really is the hardest letter

I make this same mistake when ever I do stencil work. I came across this sign tonight too. They made the same mistake on both sides. Maybe they are dyslexic. If you feel bad for them or need furniture get on the blower and give them a call.

Make that 6 crackheads


On my way to buy my treat for the night, Doritos Spicy and Zesty and then mixing half and half. I saw this man outside my building sitting in a lounge chair singing to himself. I don't even know where the chair came from as garbage day was yesterday. None the less I took his picture, from behind of course!


Pussy on the prowl


Mya is trying to catch a fly right now. I hope she gets it.

I will keep you posted.

Now this is a bargain: No Frills $1, $2, $3 Sale

Starting tomorrow until August 7th No Frills is having another $1, $2, $3 sale with lots of sale items.

I have already perused the flyer:

Best Bargain: Cha Cha Cha - Charmin Toliet Paper, 12 pack for 3 dolla. 12 Charmin rolls equal 18 normal rolls. If you haven't started wiping with Charmin your ass doesn't know what it's missing. When I pay regular price for that shit it's $8. Get it, shit, Ha Ha Ha!

My local LCBO stands for Lame, Crammed, Basic Offerings

I have pretty much kept them in business for the last 3 years but I am getting tired of the crappy selection my local super small LCBO offers.

Anything you want, they pretty much don't carry. If you start to like something, they will take away. That's the way they work. Since Ossington Street as a whole is on the up and up. As the old European settlers are slowly kicking it. Youngings with cash are moving in. It's time for a better LCBO.

I have even taken the liberty to find them the ideal location. and it's only 2 blocks away from the current location and even closer to my house. Right now, because I can walk super fast I can walk there, shop, pay and get back home in 8 minutes. I think with this new location, the old Nova Home Furniture store I could do in 6 minutes. It's one street west of Dovercourt on Bloor and has a basement for stock and a big upstairs for office space.

I am going to make this my new mission. To Queen's Park I go!

This does not seem safe: A tent in a playground


Okay, firstly, like my dad I am concerned with the safety of myself and the others around me. Maybe a little bit too much but better safe than sorry. A lot of my quirks come from my dad. For example while waiting with me for the train to take me back to Toronto, he lectured me on the importance of shoe tying because of course I could and probably will trip. I was sick and didn't feel like tying my laces but did so to apease. Secondly, he started to remove the price tag off my umbrella because he didn't want me to go back into the store I bought it from for something else and them think I stole it. Now, do you see where I'm coming from....Now on to the post.


Sketchy, Sketchy, Sketchy!!!! This daycare in my neighbourhood has a tent in a fenced in playground. The fence is like only 5 feet tall. We have 1 Homeless Person, 1 Prostitute and a gaggle of crack heads in the neighbourhood. All of which had probably slept, passed out and got it on in the tent. All for the kids to play in it the next morning. What are they thinking! It does not seem safe.

I like my shoes

Today I was going through footage in the edit suite and I notice the perfect shot of my shoes walking through the frame. So I decided to export the video to share.

video

Aren't they nice? This was even colour corrected in post. I never find shoes in size 13 that I am really happy with.

Thats one tasty box!


Yummy yummy yummy!

I had Sandwich Box for the first time ever today. If you haven't had it yet you don't know what your missing. The selection is endless. I figured that since I have been barfing most of the food I have been eating lately it was time to splurge and reward.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Updated: 3 favourite quotes from CSS's new album

- "I'm gonna jump on to the table and dance my ass off until I die. " from left behind

- "You better get your move on, or all the good ones will have gone."
- "If someone drops you on the floor and you don't know who did it. Just flick your hair and try to kick as many people as you can hit.
Both from Move, about picking up on the dancefloor. This is my favourite song.

After tonight's Big Brother Julie Chen tried to show up CSS lead singer LoveFoxxx by wearing an orange cat suit. LoveFoxxx still wears it better. As seen below.

Back to work tomorrow

I have never been happier to go back to work. I have a lot to do and I've been off 3 days this week already.

I am starting to feel better, although earlier today I thought I was going to die from the sweats, much like everyone in England in season 1 of Tudors. I've dranken 3 litres of Gatorade, a whole box of crackers and 2 meal replacement drinks. I forgot how delicious meal replacement drinks are from the days of getting my wisdom teeth out. Chewing can be too much at times. If I could drink all my meals I totally would.

and pussy and I talking again so that is nice. Here is a cute picture of me and nephew Ben my sister sent to me today.


Sunday Shaves: Yes, yes, I know its Wednesday


Whoa! I look creepy. Here is my Sunday shave for this week. I didn't shave prior to today because I was off work and then I got sick. I'm not so impressed with the results. I tried to do a John Waters thing. Take it for what it's worth.



Hot inside? Air it out!


Here's a tip I just recently discovered and now love.

I don't have A/C, I have a box fan which I am a fan of but no A/C. If you make several trips in and outside and don't want to get your shirt all sweaty, simply pull your arms out of your top shirt and it hang like an elephant's truck around your neck. (see picture.)

This will allow for both your under shirt and top shirt to air out. You should always wear an undershirt. It just makes sense. The reason I don't remove the shirt completely is because I would mess my hair and that would be no good.

Enjoy!

Bad pussy!


Mya and I aren't speaking to eachother right now.


I asked her to stop jumping on me as I was trying to do work at my desk. She declined to obey and jumped on me again, this time she didn't jump high enough and ended up sratching my hand 5 times. What a bitch!


I can hold grudges from anywhere from 3-7 minutes to 7-10 days. I think this one will last a couple more hours.


Pussy needs to work on her listening.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Too much information: Stomach flu

This blows chuncks, literally!

I have been sidelined with the stomach flu. I couldn't go near Aven today on the last day for me to him for a year. That really blows.

On the bright side, as there is always a bright side. I got to lay down for 24 hours, I love laying down, it's so much better than upright. Also 6 hours of puking and dry heaving do wonderful things for the abs. Good thing it's bathing suit time!

Here is a picture of Aven in the car yesterday. I am going to miss my beefy burrito nephew.

Monday, July 21, 2008

Grapey does an interview

Here is a link to a transcript of the Grapey Lady doing an interview with some website. The guy interviewing her is kind of over the top but none the less.

I was also also able to find an animated version of the fall.

AVENtures with Aven

Here is a video of my nephew Aven from yesterday. It was taken as the sun was setting so the quailty is kind of crappy. We met for the first time as he is a B.C. boy.

Today, we took Aven swimming that was fun but then we got rained out. Besides patio-ing, swimming is my favourite summer activity.


video

Flight 55 is grounded


Shitballs. Flight 55 on College Street has closed it's doors. Opening soon yet another Thai Place. It will be the fourth on the strip.


Flight 55 was good because they had daily $5 martini specials. I like martinis and I like specials a lot. It also had a nice patio and great staff.


Here is a pic I took of Michelle imediately following our discovery of the closure.


Music to my ears: CSS' Donkey


My favourites, CSS have a new album out tomorrow and it's previewing today on myspace and spinner. It's good. I am going to get it from iTunes tonight. Here's a tip: iTunes has all the new CDs that hit store shelves on Tuesday available by 12:30am Tuesday (Monday night.) Then I download and put on my ipod so it is ready for me bright and early on the way to work.

Since I am off Tuesday as well, this is an added bonus as I can listen and have a dance party once it downloads tonight.

It's all so very exciting.

Sunday, July 20, 2008

I shot my sister in the face

I haven't been more impressed with myself in a very long time. I shot one of my little sisters Laura in the face with a foam rocket. I think I have watched this clip atleast 75 times already. I can't get enough of it. I gave my nephews Ian and Ben some screen time as well as they are cute and I love them.



video

This is fishy

I don't get this dance.  I have been loving this song for over a year but I just can't comprehend how it goes down. I would love to break it out at cousin's wedding in 3 weeks but I have no clue. People are expecting a stellar performance for me as well.



p.s. I don't even like fish. Well. I like fish but I don't like to eat fish.

More Spinning with Unky Mark





I think it only lets me post 2 pics per post so here are the other 2.


I love being Unky Mark




Today was awesome!  We had a family reunion with about 40 people.  I met my new nephew Aven for the first time and got to spend some quality time with nice people who I haven't seen in a while.  To boot, I think my brother's fiance's mom has a bit of crush on me.  If I play my cards right I think I may be able to make her my sugar momma.

Here are some pics of me spinning around with my other nephews, Ian and Ben.  They like to be spun by me as I can spin them 7 feet in the air.  Ian, the older one said "This is horrible!"  He gets confused and doesn't understand that horrible isn't good.  He also said that his arms feel like they are broken.   He will be sore in the morning.  

For being extremely tired and slightly hung over I was impressed with my swinging performance.

 

Getting my 30 bones worth

So Natasha Bedingfield's song These Words just made it into me and my Karaoke partner's Michelle repertoire.  We now have 3 songs.  James Brown's "I Feel Good", "Falling Slowly" from the movie once and now Natasha's These Words.  

We could almost go tour.  


Pussy ain't cheap

Mya's food just went up to $27 a month.  Every month it seems the Bloorcourt Vet raises the food prices.  My pussy is on vet food that helps to clean her teeth.  Reggie (Belle's dog) Gets 5 times as much food for that price.  Oh Brother!  The price I pay for good pussy! 

Here is a picture of Mya and I for the hell of it.

Saturday, July 19, 2008

Shape up you lazy eye




Good news for people like me with a lazy eye. A new Canadian discovery may help treat lazy eyes in adults. You have to hold a magnetic coil to the side of your head. I am so going to try be thier guinea pig. My lazy eye only shows up when my glasses are off or during hardcore partying with Steven Page in Syracuse. Mike Myers, Thom Yorke and Ab Lincoln all too have lazy eyes.


I got my first complaint

Some reader complained when I compared the name of a Montreal News Caster to a car likely to be driven by a greasy guy in Little Italy trying to pick up.

So I deleted the post. I have only been blogging for a month and don't want to create any enemies. Yet. I may put up a disclaimer saying that I am a little bit crass and sensitive people shouldn't read my posts.

In other news my blog is now number 1, 4 and 5 when you google Marky Craig. Woo Hoo!

Pussy got pukey


I awoke this morning to Mya coughing up a hairball on my bare chest. What a bitch! I still love her but I could have gone without that.

Here is a pic of me squeezing her a couple months ago. **please note she is not actually being harmed in this photo.**

Friday, July 18, 2008

Speaking of Falls

"Take this sinking boat and point it home, We've still got time.

I got tickets to see The Swell Season today (Thanks Jones.) It's the oscar winning stars of the movie "Once" Glen Hansard and Markéta Irglová performing songs from the movie. Very exciting. They are playing Massey Hall, September 20. $10 Convience charge from ticketmaster. That so sucks balls.

I plan to buy the movie this weekend to brush up on my songs.

Friday Falls - July 18

Ah ya! It's the weekend. A long weekend for me! I have been busy the past few days. Anyway, enjoy.



a) I want to be these anchors friends. b) If I were that newscaster I would not have been able to continue on. Ha Ha



Here is another one.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

This Is Good: Sandwiches are my favourite food

Now Magazine this week features Toronto Best Sandwiches. Very exciting!

Sandwiches are my favourite food. Check it out.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

iTunes makes me do bad things


I just spent $3o on Natasha Bedingfeild CDs through iTunes. I am not sure what came over me but it needed to be done. I do shamelessly like her music. Yes, I am a big corn ball! That bitch better not sue me now for putting her pic on my post now.

Embracing the silver fox




Some of those close to me know that I am happily anticipating my entry into Silver Fox land. The fact that I am slowly going grey and can't wait for salt and pepper sexiness is exciting. Yep, it's slowly changing. My hair is probably about 5% grey. More exciting is the fact that I just got my first grey eyebrow hair. Woo Hoo!

The next biggest challenege for me is keeping any hair at all as bladness runs in the family. Hopefully the fact that I haven't lost any hair yet and need haircuts twice a month means it has skipped me. History would show that it would have started falling out by now.

Aven arrives today


My sister and her new baby Aven, born 10 days after my birthday in March are coming home to Ontario from B.C. Today. I will be spending Sunday - Tuesday with them.

This will be my first time meeting Aven and I am so very excited. Unky Mark adores his nephews!

I may even not follow my no playing with babies unless seated until after they are six months old rule. I am accident prone and afraid I will drop them.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

I'm due for a Korean Karaoke Box Night


If you haven't tried doing Karaoke at a Korean Karaoke Box you should go. I had my birthday party 2 years ago at XO Karaoke which is above Clinton's Bar at Bloor and Christie.


Karaoke boxes are private rooms with large TV screens that display the lyrics of the songs you choose. The rooms are black lit forest scenes which is also pretty cool. I love doing Karaoke but unfortunatly my Napoleon Dynamite-like voice doesn't cut it with Karaoke pros.


Here you are and in your own room with just your friends. You push a button and the attendants bring you more drinks. They even put protective covers over the mics so you don't get the people's slobber who sang before you. Now that is smart. I am going to plan a party.

Oh is no hoe!


eTalk today did a story on the 5 things they love about Sandra Oh. Here is my own list.

5 Things I love about Sandra Oh

1) I love the Asians. She is a true Asian Sensation
2) I got drunk with her at the Gladstone after Michelle made friends with her a year ago.
3) We shared a shot and the lemon after someone bought her a shot (big for me, remember germs)
4) She gave me her drink tickets that the bar gave her.
5) She is also a great actress

Cuter from the Front


I have always loved dogs. Since working on the Pedigree Campaign with shelter dogs I have become obsessed with them. There have also been a ton of puppies around lately. They always make me smile. Here is a pic of a puppy I saw yesterday on my walk home from work. I tried to get a shot of his face but I didn't want people to think that I taking pictures of beigey's butt.

This is Good: Dairy Queen Banana Split


I took Michelle out for dairy queen after the haircut. She had a coupon. I got the banana split. It was really good.


The worker has able to to put the banana in the container without even touching it with his bare hands. That was appreciated. He went into the broom closet and the door shut behind him. I told Michelle to prop a chair infront of the door so that it would lock him in. This would allow for me to lie under the ice cream machine and let it pour into my mouth. Michelle replied "Ya, then I can squeeze hot fudge in your nose." "Nose!" I said "No, Put it in my mouth!"


This caused a minor arguement between us and the employee escaped from the broom closet before we could lock him in. So sad.

I got my haircut


Here is a pic of my new haircut. Michelle did a fab-o job. I was having issues getting a non creepy picture. This one was the least creepiest.

Monday, July 14, 2008

I am a bad pussy owner


I accidently kicked Mya in the face today. I was in the kitchen and a crumb of her kibble got stuck to my foot. I tried to wipe it off by rubbing my foot on my other shin. My foot slipped right off my shin and then kicked Mya, who was behind me in the face. She is fine but I felt bad. So she got lots of cookies. Here she is eating the last of them.

I love tacos


My BF Belle came over tonight and made tacos, we had red wine, laughed and listened to Kylie Minogue and CSS. 6 of my favourite things. It was fun. I love mexican food. Tomorrow Michelle is coming over for fajitas and is giving me a haircut. 3 more of favourite things. Life is good.

Too Good: The girl with the bombastic period

A co-worker called me over to watch this today. It's awesome. I laughed so hard that movers outside of my office area stopped in thier tracks to find out what the strange noise was. It was my infectious laugh. They were all laughing. I was happy to provide such entertainment to those movers.

This lady seems like she would be fun to go out to the disco with.

This is a small washroom sink


I went to Levack Block on Ossington between Dundas and Queen last Tuesday. They had 3 or 4 small sinks in the washroom. I could hardly fit one hand in it. Good thing I mastered the trick of washing one hand at a time from martini nights at the labyrinth lounge years gone by. They shouldn't even make sinks this small. You couldn't even wash a baby in this sink. The kicker is that Levack block has about 8 urinals and 8 stalls in 3 different rooms but these stupid sinks. They could have easily scaled back on the stalls.






The Germy Way


I pride myself at being able to get to work in the mornings from Ossington Station to Osgoode station without touching any TTC property with my hands. Much to my approval the door to the self serve entertance of Ossington station is always open. I can get through the turnsytle using my only shoulder to turn it.


While on the subway, I can balance without having to hold on to anything. The trick is to stand sideways facing the doors., bend your knees slightly and put your right foot slightly back more to carry to weight.


I can do all this and still look pretty normal. This is a tip for today. Enjoy!

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Music to my ears: Wolf Parade

Montreal Band Wolf Parade's new CD is awesome. I have listened to it every day since it came out 2 Tuesdays ago.

Check them out.

I suck at ironing, I need a Tobi


Every couple weeks I plan what I am going to wear to work and I repeat for a couple weeks. So I always wear the same thing every Monday for maybe 4 weeks before I mix it up. My co-workers love to razz me about this but it is how I maximize my morning and get the most sleep possible. No guess work.


Tomorrow I decided to wear a button up shirt that I can't put in the drier, so because it was hung to dry I had to iron it. Then I thought my pants for tomorrow could use an iron. It took me like a freaking hour to iron 2 articles.


I love watching informercials late at night. I am obsessed with the tobi steamer. I have seen it in the Dufferin Mall at a temporary kiosk before. The next time it is there I am so getting. It's five times faster then ironing and you get a free travel steamer.